alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
