There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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