I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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