We named our party play list daddy issues
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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