I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
