she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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