My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
