Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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