By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
