Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
