Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize