This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize