There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
