apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
