so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
