After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
