What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
