If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
