oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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