she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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