her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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