Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I understand Curling. That high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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