I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
