our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
