why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize