Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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