Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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