just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
