quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
