we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
