Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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