I hate your face
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
