god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
