just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
