His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
