I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
