i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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