DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
