Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
