First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
