I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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