Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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