In the future we'll all be gay
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
