this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
