dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
