Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
