Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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