Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
