I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
