We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
