I smell stomach acid.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize