Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize