She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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