she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize