If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize