You can't motorboat a personality
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize