I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
