And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
