Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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