I'm lost and stupid without you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
