Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
