I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
