You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
