all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He felt like a one man threesome
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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