you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
